And every heart that loves in part is mortgaged to the Devil.

In the moment, it is impossible to conceive that we will ever feel differently. At the moment, Red Sneakers is not any sort of grand exorcism, but I like him, and I think I am somewhat/finally over The Devil.

Everything happened as it should happen. After all the want: realization, heart break, and realizing that it really never would have really worked. It was time that I was in a relationship where I liked the fella more than he liked me. He was settling for me, interim girl, someone available and doting and good enough for now; as such the gander finds her goose, has a taste of her own medecine, etc. "The nearly right/and yet not quite/in love is wholly evil."

Archaic Fragment (Louise Gluck)

I was trying to love matter.
I taped a sign over the mirror:
You cannot hate matter and love form.

It was a beautiful day, though cold.
This was, for me, an extravagantly emotional gesture.

.......your poem:
tried, but could not.

I taped a sign over the first sign:
Cry, weep, thrash yourself, rend your garments—
List of things to love:
dirt, food, shells, human hair.

....... said
tasteless excess. Then I

rent the signs.

AIAIAIAI cried
the naked mirror.

"What is the Correct Subject"

Love is too indulgent and death is too sad.
It’s time for a new mystery.

Rabbits! Blood!
Animals dabbed on the cave wall!

We can rely on the painted rabbit to teach us about the real rabbit.

And yet—
the real rabbit…


*


The moon shines on the gravel road.

Rabbit on the road, rabbit in the sagebrush: more than one rabbit?

Moon, never the same light from night to night: more than one moon?


More than one moon-experience?

Which is the correct one?


Moon, rabbit: You don’t seem to change each other but, then again…


In Japan they tell a story of the rabbit whose job it is to clean the moon. His reason for doing so is obscure.


There exists a netsuke carving of a moon that, upside-down, becomes a rabbit that, upside-down, becomes a moon…


The guardians understand even more than this.

--Sarah Manguso

2010

This morning: nesting in bed with new year's Moleskine and a bowl of coffee, watching Dream of Life. Later today: braving the cold for backgammon and eggs Bennedict with an old pal.

Last night: a comedy of errors which left us freezing running around Pilot Butte. But once we called the right number, got the right code to the garage, found the right spare key to the house, all was delightful with hot tea, hot gossip, long chats and gift giving.

This year: my horoscope seems to say I will get over him, hallelujah.